5 Tips to solve schedule overload
In over my overscheduled head
Oh my goodness friends! My old habits sure do die hard!!! As we creep just a few days from Christmas, school break and family obligations today I found myself back in that all to familiar space of anxiety and overwhelm. My schedule is overbooked, my to-do list got too large and my chest started to feel heavy with pressure.
So, after a year’s worth of actions to ensure that this would NOT happen, it truly caught me off guard and kind sucked the joy out of the things I wanted to do today because they were surrounded by things I did not want to do. You guys, I can almost bet that you are feeling something similar!
I think this is such a normal thing. Have you ever felt that you are rolling along, honoring your “not so much” desire and calendar management and then all of a sudden BOOM – your tasks smack you in the face and you suddenly feel like your drowning in ALL? THE. THINGS? Yeah, me too. So how do we stop the overscheduled madness and if we can’t totally stop it, how do we deal with our emotions and anxiety about it?
We can’t say no
So here’s the deal: You can’t ALWAYS say no. Even when we want to just bury our head in the sand and ignore all the obligations or if you are the extreme opposite and you don’t want to make those choices so you say yes to everything, we can change how we handle our schedules and our obligations.
Here’s how it went down
So here is a little bit about how this hit me today:
Today is the kids last day of school before their holiday break. I was feeling pretty awesome about how I had downsized my holiday shopping list this year and therefore was pretty much done with it, my mind was thinking so far forward to “the big day” gift-giving, that the end of school actually being days before that, completely snuck up on me. So, as I was organizing what teacher gifts I DID have, I realized what I hadn’t yet purchased.
Now, I also had dinner with friends planned and I hadn’t gotten an item I needed to finish a gift for a dear friend of mine. The place I had to go was kind of out of my way and so I kept procrastinating on doing it.
So at this point, I needed a final gift and multiple gift cards for teachers and I needed them by the following day. So, I made a plan to ‘run out’ and quickly grab these items after dinner so I could wrap it up and head to bed. But, I did something I shouldn’t have. I got distracted by shiny things. I needed to return an item at a store near where I was and was resolved to return it and leave. But, it was all Christmas-y and things were pretty and I found myself wandering through the store, touching everything and looking at things I knew I didn’t even need.
Finally, I pulled myself together and got the heck out of there, but caught sight of the next store and wandered inside – this time to look for a specific type of shoe that my son did actually need. After coming up empty handed, I decided this was a mission and went to YET ANOTHER store to look.
I had now spent almost 35 minutes in stores that I had NO INTENTION of even going to when I left the house. Sound familiar?
I finally break the shopping trance and load back into the car to head home. On my way, I pass a Starbucks and have a fleeting thought that I should go inside, but talk myself out of it because I had just wasted so much time that I hadn’t planned to spend. When I finally arrived at the home, I realized that I DID need to go Starbucks after all to get gift cards but because I had allowed myself to get so distracted by all the bobbles and pretties, I totally forgot.
The backlash
Fast forward to the next morning and I am still without the gift cards, loading backpacks, sack lunches, and items for a field trip into my kid’s backpacks. My schedule that was planned to happen at a relaxed pace now requires some additional hoop jumping. You’ve mastered that too? First, my older kids beg for me to drive them to school, but I can’t because I now NEED them to take the bus so that I can leave early to get those dumb gift cards and still get my pre-schooler to school on time (and finish putting together his teacher gifts). And all of this can’t be interrupted because I had a dentist appointment directly after drop off.
Follow all this up with the remainder of my day that included work, a conference call and a promise to come to my 4th graders field trip to the community pool and a promise to pick my kids up from school and allow a friend to come for a sleepover and then remembering that I actually already had plans…. whew!!! As you can see, I got a little in over my head.
Put an end to crazy with these 5 tips
So how do we keep from being all consumed by our hectic lives (and schedules) so that we can actually enjoy them? Well here are 5 tips to help you put your calendar and your priorities in perspective.
1. Plan for ‘extra time’
One way we can help to keep the stress at bay is to allow extra time between our scheduled activities. This morning, when I had to hop straight from drop off to a scheduled appointment, I was definitely feeling the crunch of not giving myself some white space in my timing. But, after that appointment, I knew I had built in the extra time before I had to get on to my conference call and then off to the pool party. It made it possible for me to sit down with a cup of coffee and re-group my thoughts and priorities.
2. Understand your personal limitations
Girl, let me tell you. I kinda think I have the ability to do all and be all to everyone. SPOILER ALERT!!! I can’t. Sometimes, just saying that out loud gives me a freedom I didn’t know I needed. For example, on that conference call today, I had to admit to a client that I didn’t feel that I could meet the needs of a project they wanted help with. I also shared with them that it was really hard for me to say that because I pride myself in being able to be all in when I am needed. This time though the idea of this particular project was making me feel uneasy and overwhelmed. I knew the time commitment to figure it out was going to be too much, especially around the holidays, so I fessed up.
The amazing thing is that when we are honest with ourselves and those we are hesitant to say no too, that vulnerability makes you more valuable to them. Allowing my client to know my struggle, opened a conversation about expectations and appreciation that I wasn’t expecting.
3. Got Tech? Use it!
If you are always near a smartphone or a computer, use that technology to help set reminders and alerts. I like to use my google voice option on my smartphone to have Google add things to my calendar and create reminders for me. I also use technology to set timers to let me know it’s time to move on to another task or to stop the one I am doing and shut it down for the night.
4. Fight the need to multitask
Ok. I am TERRIBLE at this recommendation. I think that I can multitask with the best of them. As a matter of fact, if multitasking was an Olympic event, I would totally take the gold. But if I get real with myself, multitasking leaves me feeling overwhelmed or worse keeps me from working at my best level on whatever it is that I am trying to focus on. So even though we THINK we get more done all at once it’s actually not true. This realization hurt a little!!!
The American Psychological Association found that when people try to perform more than one task at a time, they do worse at both tasks because the human brain was not designed for multitasking. The cost of mental juggling? Both jobs suffer, and because the person takes longer to switch back and forth from each activity, the work also takes longer to complete. Statistics show that it takes an average of 25 minutes to resume a task after being interrupted. (quoted from INC.)
5. Honor the priority of the moment.
Let’s talk about that pool party again. I was kinda crabby about going. It wasn’t really a problem to stop and do it, but I was thinking of the other things I had to do and watching my daughter and 90 of her classmates swim for 90 minutes seemed unnecessary. But something happened that made me remember that this was a priority moment to HER even if it wasn’t to me. She saw me, swam over, hopped out of the pool and gave me the biggest smile I had seen in weeks. “Yay! You made it” were her words and I knew that I had to honor the priority of this moment with her.
The fine line moms walk
As moms, we walk a fine line of over-committing and knowing when it means enough to our kids that showing up is all that matters. I can’t tell you where that line is for you, but that smile tells me where it is for me. If I invest so much energy into having a quieter, less cluttered life and schedule but don’t honor that with taking time to be with people when it matters most to them – then, in the end, I have really not accomplished anything.
Schedule overload side effects
When we allow our schedules to get crammed pack with too many commitments and too many tasks, we run the risk of creating additional stress and anxiety in our days that we could otherwise avoid.
I know, I know… you’re thinking to yourself – But Kelly, I can’t just NOT go to the ‘things’ and I challenge back: yes, yes you can. Ok, not always, but there are definitely more times than not that we can choose to say no, even when it upsets someone else if it means it brings peace to your household.
So how do we make those tough decisions? We use the ‘circle of influence’ concept.
Imagine a bullseye target. The center of this is your inner circle. Place the people who mean the most in the innermost circle – for me, this circle represents God, my family (hubby and kids) and myself.
Next move to the outer circle. This one will be the more challenging option. For me, these people are my family – my parents, my spouse’s parents, and our siblings as well as a few very close friends.
Lastly, move to your far outer circle. These people don’t have much influence over your life and you have little responsibility to please them or meet their needs. These people may be your employer or co-workers, your neighbors or acquaintances or friends that you aren’t super close to.
How to use the circle
Now that you’ve found a place for people within the circle it’s time to understand how this can help you to make those tough decisions. When I am faced with an invite or a request I move through that circle and ask myself these questions:
- What part of my circle is this person in?
- How will saying yes (or no) affect those in inner and outer circles?
For example, if accepting an invitation means that I can’t show up to something that is important to my inner circle, then it’s a no.
If an employer wants you to take on a big project that will consume a lot of time, then you know you need to look at the schedules and needs of the outer and inner circles and decide if there is room for that. And if the project is non-negotiable, you know who you need to ask for help from or share that you’ll be focused on something for an allotted time. The inner and outer circle should be full of people who care and understand. If that’s not the case, it’s time to re-evaluate the circle!
Re-Cap
Since we can’t always shut down all the things that need to happen and schedule overload is still bound to sneak up on us if we aren’t careful, having a box of tools to help us deal with it can make all the difference. As you run head first into the holidays and the new year I hope these tips will help you to keep your schedule under control and allow built in white space for you to ENJOY your holidays and family, not just ‘get through it’.
- Plan for ‘white space’ in your schedule
- Know your limits and don’t force yourself beyond them to make others happy.
- Use technology when it can simplify your life, but don’t allow it to become a distraction. Knowing the difference can create calm or chaos.
- Don’t multitask. Focus all your energy for a pre-set amount of time on the task at hand.
- Honor the moment – when you can’t avoid doing something that wasn’t your top choice, decide to honor the moment you’re in by not thinking about your other to-do items and enjoying the people or activity you are involved in.
- Know who is in your circle and make your decisions based on who matters most and your overall family values and needs. Don’t be guilted into doing things if they mean causing emotional or mental distress in your or your home.
Do you have other ways that help you to manage your schedule and keep you from feeling over-committed? I would love to hear what works for you. Drop us a comment or send me an email. We’d love to continue the conversation on Facebook too!
