Craving Quiet
So. Many. Words.
It’s kind of an odd thing for someone who writes LOTS of words to think, but I have found myself on multiple occasions thinking to myself – ‘it’s just so. many. words’.
I’ve found that lately, I am teetering on a place of needing social fulfillment from those who are closest to me and craving quiet at the same time. This craving didn’t hit me full force, instead, it was a little nudge to find quiet pockets in my day.
First, instead of my usual desire to listen to music while driving, I found myself turning off the radio and just being in the quiet of the surrounding road noise and my own thoughts. Now this need for quiet has grown, big enough to notice and no longer able to ignore. It’s as if I am being prepared for something new and being made aware of all the distractions around us every minute of every day.
I talk about this a lot, but we live in a constantly chaotic world. Noise surrounds us from the moment we wake up to the moment we lay our heads down at night (and often after). It’s not just the physical noise of conversation, televisions, phones, tablets, co-workers, kids, spouses, music or the spaces were in, it’s the visual noise of clutter in our homes, our workspaces, and our schools.
It’s the overabundance of choices that lead us to daily decision fatigue (read more about that here). It’s the mental space that is in a constant state of worry, anxiousness, anticipation or procrastination.
Each of these types of “noise” leaves us distracted and tired and weary. We lose focus because we’re living in a world where nothing is important because everything is important.
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Friends, we can’t have it both ways. It will always leave us wanting and feeling like we didn’t do anything well.
For me, the craving of quiet is for true, literal silence. It’s a need for less words and fewer sounds. I deep-rooted desire for less background noises. Fewer questions and yes, fewer answers. I’ve held off on writing this post for some time now because I am still coming to grips with what this means, where this craving is coming from and what I am doing in reaction to it. But I believe now that since I have traversed the physical clutter in my life and the schedule clutter in my calendar, God is showing me the next step.
I don’t believe that the desire I am having for quiet is solely because I need less actual noise in my day (though that sounds really nice as a mom of 3 kids). I believe that this urge has been pressed upon me for a different reason. One that the last couple of years of simplifying have led me to.
My craving for quiet is more about understanding.
It’s a need to be able to see what is truly important in front of me by quieting the thoughts and perceptions about things and people and situations. It’s about allowing my mind white space to form its own opinions instead of chronically absorbing others. Because you all know I love an inspirational podcast! Ironically, it was a podcast by Brook Castillo that reminded me that if I am constantly listening to the opinions of others, I am not giving myself the quiet and space to form true opinions and thoughts of my own.
The quiet is teaching me how often my opinion isn’t necessary. This is different than my opinion not mattering, because we all have value in our opinions, and they do matter. But, often, it’s not really needed. It can complicate the situation. It can detract from the person who is sharing. It can cause me to plan my response in my head instead of listening with my heart.
Finding that I was requiring this type of silence, this level of quiet, made me feel a bit uneasy.
I’m a talker. I’m an extrovert. I like to share stories, re-tell stories and “insert my opinion here.” I’m not afraid of confrontation or a little back and forth, but here I am feeling like God is telling me to pipe down and listen up. Something about this is making me understand just how small I am in a very big world and that sometime lots of words are my way of finding my place in it.
But I’m learning that small words, meaningful words, can speak more power and promise into the life of another than the noisy chatter our society typically offers. I am understanding that I can fill my heart and my mind with beautifully composed ideas of others that fire up my soul for change, but if I can’t get to quiet, I will never know how I’m intended to use that for good. I won’t take a step forward in action because I will be too distracted by the noise to move.
I came across an article in Psychology Today that wrapped up with this statement:
“Human creativity rests on a three-part process:
–Cutting off previous assumptions
–Coming up with an idea
–Testing if the idea works.
The first part of the process means being able to cut off all input, especially input we don’t want. But how can you do that in a society that relies on transmitting, 24/7, at maximum volume into your eyes, ears, taste buds and touch, a constant and vicious overdose of mostly useless data?”
The truth is that noise isn’t just sound.
It’s physical and visual and emotional and tactile and we allow it to infiltrate our lives every minute of the day. So, when we are suddenly forced into silence and quiet, it bristles our skin. It’s uncomfortable. It’s disconcerting. And yet, if we never allow ourselves to sit there, we will constantly run from the real things in our heart and mind that want to be dealt with.
I believe that people often hide from the silence because it forces us to evaluate ourselves. When we stop being bombarded by distraction, we find what we perceive to be our faults.When I got quiet, I realized that I don’t listen well enough.
It became clear to me that I rely too much on my own ability than the faith I say I stand on.
In the quiet, I was reminded that I have a purpose that I let busyness often sneak in and overtake.
Are you allowing the “noise” of life to do the same? Is each task a distraction from the life you know you’re being called to live? Do you fill your space with sound to drown out that thought or that uncomfortable situation you’ve been putting off dealing with? No judgment here, sweet friend, I get it.
But now I also get quiet. I understand that I can choose to say no to the noise. I can opt out of having and sharing an opinion. I can shut down the visual distractions and I can live with knowing that the non-stop decision-making items aren’t really that important. It’s certainly still a work in progress (isn’t everything) but it’s a work none the less.
Instead, I’ll focus on timeless decisions.
Timeless decisions are ones that will still matter to me and my family in the years to come. I learned about this while reading a study from Valorie Burton. She says, “When making choices, we need to pause and reflect on the future and consider the impact of our present choice on our future selves.”
Many of our decisions, in reality, are not that important to our future selves and the ones that are, are the ones we typically distract ourselves from making. Decisions like better health, career change, growing our faith, bettering our relationships and more. Instead, when we feel stuck or indecisive, we allow ourselves to be immersed in the noise until our minds are too busy to think about it.
So now I crave not just a simpler life, but a quieter one.
One where listening takes precedence, where my silence is just as powerful as my words. A life where I allow myself the space to dream, to think big ideas and to wrestle with questions and problems. A life where I create white space from the audible, physical and mental noise.
I’ll find it in the tiny pockets.
I’ll search for it in a quiet car after drop off, in the silence of early morning coffee and in post-bedtime books. I’ll give in to my craving for quiet so that I can grow in my own assurance of who I am called to be.
Will you too?
