Coronavirus and Kids: Helping Them Navigate Emotions
It’s been a full week of things ‘getting real’ with this pandemic that we are all facing, and I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking what I would want to say about it all. Trust me, it’s not a lack of thoughts but so many running rampantly through my mind that it’s hard to catch just one to latch on to.
First, I want you all, my readers, to know that I am thinking of you. It’s so important to me that I show up for you during this and help you in any way that I can, and with so much unknown and #socialdistancing, it is harder than ever to know what that should look like.
So today, I lend you my heart and my voice and remind you that you are never alone.
This situation is, like we already know, an uncharted territory, which means our emotions about it are exactly the same. When we face challenges in life, we often have past experiences to draw on and see how we succeeded or failed and can learn how to do it better the next time.
I pray there is never a next time.
Which means this is 100% new to all of us. The emotions that are changing on a dime in our heads and hearts may be emotions that we are familiar with. Still, they are a part of something wildly new and equally frightening. And the truth of the matter is, we can’t move past them unless we acknowledge them.
Last night I spent extra time in my 10-year-old daughter’s bedroom at bedtime, holding her while she cried and poured her mixed and jumbled worries and unknowns out onto me. She feels overwhelmingly out of control. She misses her friends and is worried about her immunocompromised grandparents. Her heart is broken and anxious and scared.
Add to all those worries the fact that she is a highly introverted person who desires, no… requires alone time. She is surrounded by her whole family at all times. She’s already reached a threshold that I can understand.
Contrast this to my 8-year-old daughter, who is a social butterfly and a ‘make it work’ kind of spirit. She’s connected to just about every friend she knows online and chats the day away or does school work in silence with a friend on Facebook Messenger Kids. She’s managed to find a way to make it work.
It’s a juxtaposition of personalities.
As a parent, I must find a way to meet all my children’s needs, emotionally, at any given moment. It’s tough to meet those needs for our children, especially if we are walking around trying to keep our chin up and brave faces on, as though everything is okay.
Because things are not okay right now. And yet, they are. And our kids need to know that.
One thing that really struck me in that conversation last night is that it was the second time my daughter said to me, ” You don’t seem bothered at all.” Part of me saw this as a win. Yay to keeping calm during a storm. But I also saw the problem with this. I wasn’t seeing that she needed to feel like she wasn’t alone in her enormous and confusing emotions.
Maybe you’re at home with kids who are experiencing similar feelings and emotions. Perhaps, you put your brave face on, keep smiling, and jumped into schooling your kids without missing a beat. Is it possible that by not being honest with our kids about how we’re feeling is actually creating more anxiety in their minds? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say yes. Though I don’t think I had to go too far out to get there.
So how do we help our kiddos to feel safe and secure while also acknowledging their fears and concerns?
First, we choose faith over fear. Then we try some of these ideas.
Be upfront (kind of)
My kids are much more intuitive than I give them credit for. And honestly, I can get caught up in my own emotions that I can sometimes overlook theirs. When I see them off playing or laughing at something, I can believe that ‘this isn’t really bothering them.’ But, when we lay down at night, I learn just how wrong I am. When the day slows, all those hidden emotions get brought to the surface, and I experience just how they are really feeling.
Learning that my daughter feels like ‘she’s the only one’ in our house feeling so distraught was an eye-opener. I shared with her that I, too, miss my friends and my family much! I miss going to Target or out for coffee with other moms, and I miss seeing my sister and my parents and my nieces and nephews. I shared that while I love them all dearly, I am also struggling with so much togetherness. And, since she and I share the same temperaments in need for control, I can empathize feeling like there is nothing I can change at the moment.
And then I reminded her that really, we are never in control anyhow. God is always the one in control. Even when we grasp the reins and are given the space to make our mistakes, God is ultimately still in charge. He is always there for us, and He will walk beside us in these hard times and in every trial we face in our lives. Big and little.
When she wonders why Mom and Dad seem so calm, we share that we know anxiousness will not help us, or her, or her siblings. So instead, we pray, we talk, and we trust.
Connect with others
Giving kids a safe way to connect with kids from school or friends can also extend a lifeline to their drastically changed day. My 8 year old uses Facebook Messenger Kids to stay connected with friends from school, and they play games and chat with each other. Their teacher created a Google Classroom for them where they can talk with her, and she shares videos of her reading or doing devotionals with them. The kids can chat with her and each other on the thread.
My son’s kindergarten classmates will all meet up on Zoom to see each other’s faces and say hello to the friends they are missing. The moms of these kiddos are also hosting these Zoom chats to stay connected and just check in with one another. There are a ton of different ways you can do this. Get connected with others, and stay connected.
God created us to be in relationship; it’s a fundamental need for our well-being. (For some more than others!)
Empower them.
Yes, we need to practice social distancing as our first line of defense and as the primary way we can help others. Still, I believe we can find safe and responsible ways to empower our kids and ourselves to find purpose in this pandemic. I am called to serve a God that is bigger than this. Because of that, our family will continue to look for ways to help others when and where we can.
As of now, that has looked like delivering groceries to the porch of high-risk neighbors. It’s giving blood donations (for us adults), and coloring brown paper bags with fun pictures for our school to pack lunch for kids in need. We’ll send cards to patients and health care works, offer our extra toilet paper and loaves of bread when others are struggling to find their own and continue to pray.
Although a situation like this can lead us to feel helpless, we are far from it. Empowering our children to ‘do something’ means they get a chance to become part of the solution instead of feeling like the world has gotten away from them. They regain a sense of control; they serve others and, in turn, can find joy because of it.
Play and exercise
It hasn’t taken me very long to realize that my anxiety will rear it’s ugly head if I spend too much time inactive. This goes for our kids also. While mine would prefer if I allowed them to keep their faces plopped in front of tablets and televisions all day, it’s not good for their mental health. Anymore than spending the day checking social media is for mine.
Getting out into nature, taking walks and hikes, gives us all immediate relief from our worries. Watching my kid’s imaginations expand as they climb trees and fallen logs brings joy to my heart and reprive to their emotions. Playing soccer in the backyard connects us physically as a family and helps to give us ‘feel good’ endorphins. And, let’s face it, boys connect through activity. It’s the BEST way to get them to talk about their feelings!
So get outdoors in a responsible way, have dance parties and family hide and seek games. Whatever it is, move your bodies togther. Use walks to connect to kids one on one. I know that I need it just as much as they do.
It’s not all rainbows and kitty cats.
I’ve struggled the last week with my emotions being all over the place. Somedays, I want to be all the sunshine to others, and other days I roll my eyes at the positivity posts. I think it’s essential that we know everyone is dealing with this in very different ways and that those ways might change minute to minute.
Give grace.
It’s all we can do. Grace to each other. Grace to our children, dealing with really adult problems without the ability or skill to articulate it. Grace to our spouses and family members and, most of all, grace to ourselves. We are not always going to get it right. We’re going to lose our tempers. We’re going to have moments or days of sadness, anger, or confusion. But, we can always lean on the Lord and each other.
Leave me a note and let me know how you and your family are making the most of this unheard-of time?
