February 12, 2019

Something Better : Why Decluttering Matters

Since I have begun sharing my journey of simplifying my home and overall life, I’ve come to understand some of the most common struggles with decluttering. Freeing ourselves of our stuff and of our busyness goes far beyond bagging up outdated clothing and knick-knacks that have been packed away in boxes for years. Choosing to simplify your life requires some hard choices. It requires some decisions about who you are and what you stand for and it requires faith that something better is waiting on the other side.

Now fair warning, this blog post was composed shortly after watching an awe-inspiring talk by the incredible Christine Caine, and friends she FIRES me up! She makes me believe that I MUST speak the truth and so if I project a little more passion than typical, don’t run! Hang in there. There’s something good on the other side.

Let’s get real about our clutter, shall we?

This weekend, we had a few friends over to visit. We don’t get to see this couple often but we’ve spent time with them throughout the years as our kids have been growing up. In those years, they’ve seen and mentored us on parenting as they are entering the empty nest stage of life. On this visit, our friend said to me ” You’re much more relaxed”. She said that the last time she was here, my little one (referring to my now almost 5 year son) was really giving me a run for my money and she left thinking ” I’m going to pray for that girl”! I laugh at it now, but I distinctively remember how those moments felt.

It’s easy to remember how I felt embarrassment for the chaos our household was in, for the frazzled state I was living in, for the messes that always graced my floors and the forgetfulness that always controlled my thoughts. I thanked her for noticing. For being aware enough of where I was then and where I’ve come to be and shared that I feel more calm and sure of myself at this moment than ever before.

Clarity saved me.

{ If you need guidance on getting clear on what matters to you and how that affects your day/life – download this free PDF called Finding My Values to help prompt you through some questions to find more clarity on WHY this might matter to you}

It certainly doesn’t seem like talking about clutter should be such a big deal. When we hear the idea of decluttering, simplifying, going minimal… well, none of these likely invokes deep-rooted emotional change in our minds. Instead, we likely jump to thinking about the effort involved in the process. We question if we have the energy to tackle it, let alone the desire and think about the push back we’ll likely get from our kids or our spouse. We may even trickle into our feelings surrounding our clutter and begin to feel guilty or wasteful or overwhelmed. But more likely than any of that we think “I’ll get around to it later.” But the effort is worth it. Something better is waiting on the other side.

Putting off simplifying your life by the intentional choice of decluttering your space or your obligations is willfully giving up the choice to live your life to the fullest intention you were meant to live it with.

So why do we do it?

What’s the big deal if we put it off?

What are we missing out on?

Why does it matter?

I’ve been on the phone with a handful of women over the past few weeks asking these very questions and while the answers varied slightly from person to person the underlying theme was the same.

Clutter creates a feeling of chaos, anxiety, and distraction.

This clutter might be physical, it might be an overloaded schedule, it might be emotional, it might be financial – but it’s distracting you from a better life. We don’t think that. We don’t take time to consider the ramifications of it, but it’s the truth. But, that doesn’t make the process and the excuses and tough decisions any easier to overcome. So we put it off for another day.

Because it feels too big

The idea of tackling years worth of stuff that has collected in the walls of our home is daunting. It can shut the best of us down on the spot and if we are already operating at full-tilt, finding time to tackle something that massive can be a struggle. But the cycle of time and stuff never ends. It’s a choice we have to make and it’s about progress, not perfection. It’s a process that takes effort and you get to decide how much time to devote to that process, own that choice, use it wisely, and keep moving forward. It doesn’t matter if you can only devote 10 minutes a day or if you can devote 90 minutes a day. A step forward is a step all the same.

We don’t know where to start

There are a lot of books, blogs and Kondo-mania that tells us exactly how to declutter, which process to use, which room to start in and the best way to fold our t-shirts and most of it is incredibly great advice. Unless it’s not.

Your stressors are likely very different than your neighbor’s, your sister’s or your best friend’s. Where one person would be devastated to live with a small wardrobe or 8 place settings, you might find a wave of relief from ‘choice overload’. So just start somewhere. Something small that affects you daily. Clean out your purse or the car your shuttle kids in each day. Dump that drawer in the bathroom you are always digging through and make it work for you so that TOMORROW when you go in there, you know exactly where to find what you need. Then recognize how that makes you feel and do it again somewhere else. If you are still not sure where to start, grab my guide to help you answer some questions to find the space that makes the most sense for YOU.

You don’t know where to put it

Clutter and disorganization are fueled by homeless stuff.

If there is one step you could take today to help get your space in order, it’s to ask yourself this question with each item you pick up: “Where does this belong?” If you are anything like I was your answer is often “I’m not sure where to put this so…” and you shove it either in the closest drawer, a shelf or cabinet that makes sense at the time or the catch-all junk drawer. Sometimes you recall where to retrieve it, most times not.

What would it mean to take back time in your day by not searching for missing items? If you didn’t have to search for the lost shoe, the ponytail holders or the checkbook, how much calmer would your morning be? If you knew that each item had a designated home and everyone in your house knew where it was, would it make clean up time easier? How much time would you save not only in searching but in decision making when you were cleaning up each day. When you pick up the Lego Bat Mobile you know instantly where Legos go. When you grab that mail pile from the mailbox you have a spot instantly for your bills, your magazines, and your coupons. Hair bows, brushes, school work… it all has a specific spot. And, when it doesn’t you have 2 choices to make:

Create a spot for this and other like items that will become ‘home base’ from here on out
If it’s drifted from a surface to surface, perhaps it’s not really needed and it’s time to stop using YOUR time to move it around from one spot to the next.

You have guilt or feel wasteful.

Let’s deal with the feeling of wasteful first. I need to share this secret with you and it’s a little tough love. If you don’t want to hear it, plug your ears and sing la-la-la-la-la, then skip on to the next section. BUT, if you want a little nudge in letting go here it is: The money was wasted when ‘it’ was purchased, not when you get rid of it. When we make purchases unintentionally or on impulse, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll end up staring at that item weeks, months or years later wondering what to do with and feeling bad that it’s ‘hardly used’ and you’re considering tossing or donating it. Here’s your permission to get rid of it: By keeping items that aren’t useful or something we love we aren’t ‘saving’ money, we aren’t being conscious buyers. That ship has sailed.

Instead, we have this ‘thing’ that is taking up our space, time and energy and we are continuing to expend MORE time and energy deliberating on if we should let it go. Trust your instinct (not your mind). I promise something better is on the other side of this.

Let’s chat about guilt.

Guilt hits us in 2 ways when it comes to decluttering physical items.

The first is when we have items that were given to us or belonged to someone we love and getting rid of them makes us feel like we are giving away a piece of that person. Or, we worry that we will make a relative sad or upset. But our value and the value of our children and our family, here and gone, do not rest in trinkets and bobbles.

When we begin to believe that letting go of items means letting go of memories or love, then we’ve put our faith in the wrong things. We’ve become ‘of the world’ and value its physical treasures over that love and those memories. Things are just things. True treasures are stored in our hearts and minds. In the stories, we’ll retell our children. In the hugs and smiles that our kids receive and give when they present us with macaroni necklace number 8. The joy is NOT in the trophy, the picture, or the sweater once worn. It’s in love you shared.

The second is when we feel guilt over having spent money on something that we are now considering throwing out or donating. In this case, these items are often once well-loved and frequently used. In this situation, the money was NOT lost in the purchase because it served you for a time. Just as we are often reminded that there are seasons in our life that we need different things, this applies to the physical items in our home too.

Mama’s, our maternity clothes served us well, but once we are done having kids and are ready to pass it on, does it mean it didn’t do the job we paid for it to do?

I imagine this is a part of why Marie Kondo suggests thanking your items when you let them go.I’ll admit I found this idea a little odd but perhaps we do need a way to acknowledge that we appreciated them before we can allow them to be useful to others or throw them out.

So what’s the big deal anyway?

There’s a verse in the book of Matthew that says ” Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” It took me a long time to understand this. Most of us aren’t consciously living and loving our stuff. It’s just something that happens when we aren’t paying attention. One day we look up and realize that our focus has been in all the wrong places and now we’re not sure where to start to get out of the mess we’ve made. Usually, it’s when we hit a big obstacle in our life or when we start to realize that we have a bigger dream or goal outside of our day to day routine. At that moment, we look around and see how held back we really are. How our the constant need to deal with our clutter or our busyness has held us hostage from a bigger life. And friend, you might not know it, but you ARE called to greatness. Our idea of good might be really great, but God’s idea of good is always something better.

What are you missing out on?

If your time, energy and emotional well being are affected by your clutter or your over-committed schedule, what are you missing out on?

Better health.

Are you struggling to find time to focus on your wellness? Does it compete with keeping up on your home, your work and your calendar? I know we’ve all heard it time and again, but we can not be the best parents, wives, friends, sister… unless we take care of ourselves. We can not serve from an empty cup.

Mental clarity and emotional wellness.

If studies prove that women have increased cortisol (stress) hormone levels when they are in a cluttered space, then the opposite must be true. Finding focus in disorganization is a fruitless pursuit. Your mind is not wired to be constantly stimulated and it will leave you feeling drained, short-tempered, forgetful, and anxious. Your home should be a safe haven. A place to come and relax from the pressures of the outside world. You are in control of that feeling and your space. You get to create a space that feels inviting and relaxing for you and your family.

My sister recently returned home from the hospital with her 3rd beautiful baby. It was an unexpected delivery, a full week before her scheduled arrival. When I came to visit I could feel the exhaustion she had from sleepless nights at the hospital, which had turned to overwhelm in her home. They hadn’t had time to properly prepare! With 2 other little ones running around and her husband trying to keep them busy, help with the baby, catch up on his own rest, work and school – tension dripped off them. After spending a few hours helping to organize and clean out the main living areas of her home, she was able to have a visual rest from the toys, papers and more. I could SEE her body relax. The gift of decluttering can instantly give someone permission to focus on the needs at hand. Our minds can be free from anxiousness or tension when we allow it a break from visual clutter.

It’s a gift you can give yourself. And your family.

Financial Security

Clutter keeps us busy and unfocused. When we can’t find things, we often repurchase them accidentally. When we don’t spend with intention and decide if an item will be truly purposeful in use or joy, we waste what we worked so hard to earn. Everything you purchase has an opportunity cost. A cost that could have been used somewhere else, perhaps to pay off a debt or save for a kids college fund or plan a vacation. Count the cost friends. It’s not always as great of a deal as it seems. We need to wake up and pay attention to how clutter and impulsiveness affect our present, our future, and our legacy.