10 Things Mom Doesn’t Do
The other day my home suffered a domestic disturbance. Not the kind you may think. The kind where mom (that’s me) loses her mind, has a ‘complete freak out’ and has an immediate need to overhaul my entire family’s behavior! So as I sat in the shower, trying to relax my very tense, stressed out muscles I had a list of things I would vow to no longer do begin to rapid fire in my head and here’s what it looked like:
The contract is presented
When the kids arrived home that day I presented them with our new household rules. I asked them to read through the new ‘rules’ and let me know what they thought and if they felt anything I presented was unfair. After a few whiney moments of misunderstanding ” YOU WON’T MAKE MY LUNCH ANYMORE??!!!” I re-explained that I would indeed, but that they had a responsibility that allowed that to happen and so the outcome was completely theirs. After a few further explanations everyone was on board.
The implementation
We got started immediately with gentle reminders of what the list included and I shared it with my husband when he arrived home. I asked him the same question ” does this all sound fair? “. He reluctantly agreed and so it was taped to the wall and became ‘a thing’. That night as I made dinner alone, my family set the table and then cleared it after. No nagging was done. No tantrums were thrown.
Progress is made
So what has this looked like this week you ask? (maybe you didn’t actually ask, but I am going to tell you because it’s pretty great). This week I haven’t yelled at my family or felt disrespected or undervalued. Oddly, not because of what my family is or is not doing but because by writing out this list and having my family agree it gave me permission to be OKAY with not doing these things. As a mom, I often feel like everything is my responsibility and I quickly fall into the rut of doing the things FOR everyone. I crave the clean and organized home that keeps my mind focused. But by doing that, I am not fostering the values that matter most to me in motherhood:
- Responsibility
- Ownership over their ‘stuff’
- Ownership over their successes and failures
- Having the heart to help others
- Thinking of others first
- and above all faith
What mom DOES do
As part of sharing what I no longer would persecute myself for NOT doing, It was important to me that I shared what I would do. I would love them, I would take care of their physical needs, I would help them when they needed it and I would raise them to know the love of a God who has more forgiving grace than I could ever imagine.
When you take a moment to write out what you WILL DO or what you promise to do for your family, you quickly find that the ‘stuff’ (the cleaning, cooking, bill paying, driving etc) while necessary, is not the core of who you were likely meant to be in your family and still the deep-rooted values that truly mean something to us too often gets lost in the mix. It too often falls off the radar, and our choices and actions are driven by menial tasks needing to be done rather than the heart fulling beliefs in the values we wish to leave as a legacy.
What is your legacy
If we spend so much time trying to “keep up” (with our home, our do to list or the “Joneses”) there won’t be white space to stop and rethink our priorities. The values that our families stand for. The beliefs that we want our children to take into the world when they grow and leave our homes.
I encourage us all to slow down and take time to physically WRITE down what is important to your family. If there were 3 or 5 or 10 things that are the basis for all interactions in your home and outside of it, what would they center around? I would love to hear some of the core values you and your family share. Leave me a comment with what you hope will be the legacy you leave.
